February 28, 2013: Timp-orary

Timpani (singular: timpano), also known as kettle drums, are a staple of most orchestras.  They are best known for their deep booming sound, which on the lower notes is quite thunderous, yet not so much as the concert bass drum.  Some timpani are specially made to reach lower or higher notes.  They go along quite well with snare drums and concert toms, as well as the aforementioned bass drums.

Of note is the many ways that can be employed to tune these drums.  The most common is by pedal, which allows one to use their foot for tuning, and is connected to the tuning screws by a spider, or an array of metal cords or rods.  Another, less common method is chain tuning, in which a large chain is run around the head of the instrument, much like the chain of a bicycle, and a single large hammer allows for the tuning.  There are several other methods as well, but these are the main two.

February 27, 2013: Crowning Moment of Puppy

A nuclear holocaust had occurred two years prior to the events about to unfold.  And two years after the armageddon, to the very day, a legendary baby was born that would restore the world's order to what it had been.  And he would be accompanied by a puppy, born on the same day.

Seconds after the baby was born, he grabbed a nearby pair of nunchucks, as did his doggy companion.  They both set out and faced down the armies of thugs strewn throughout the world and cut through them like a hot knife through butter.  Soon, they came upon the one responsible for the disaster years before, and the one leading the thug armies.

 He looked a lot like that.

One epic battle amongst a field of flames later, the baby hero sent his puppy to gnaw this Big Bad's eyes out, then knocked him down an endless pit. THE END.

February 25, 2013: Watercycle (not the water cycle)

Watermelons and bicycles have very little in common, to the point where comparing them is like comparing apples and orang- oh, wait.  One is a fruit meant for animal consumption, the other is a vehicle meant for transportation.  So how one compares such radically different objects can prove to be a challenge.  Except, not really - there are a couple of ways by which this comparison can be accomplished.

The most obvious point of comparison is that both have a quality of roundness to them.  The bicycle's tires are round, and the entire watermelon is also round, albeit it is more of an ovoid.  They can also be rather heavy, with the bicycle having its weight more spread out than the fruit.  Finally, they are both large objects.

February 22, 2013: Annoyances

Kindergarten is an important time of a child's schooling.  Whereas the preschool days prepared them for the beginning of their school life, kindergarten serves as the big introduction.  It is when children are registered and meet the other children that they will come to love or hate for a considerable stretch of years.  It also happens that they are egregiously annoying, most of the time.

Yes, this is the common stigma associated with young children.  It seems that any children significantly younger than oneself will do all they can to annoy the one in question to the point of their minds breaking, and it only gets worse the younger said tykes are.  Kindergarteners in particular may be the most odious of the lot, but really due to no deliberate fault of their own, as they are (usually) naturally curious and will stare a hole in someone and ask prodding questions until the cows decide to return home.  It still frequently becomes quite frustrating.

February 21, 2013: That's Some Seriously Sleet News

Sleet...is somewhat hard to describe.  It's somewhat accurate to describe it as somewhere between rain and snow, with the second definition basically having it as a smaller form of hail.  It is one of the three constituents of a U.S.-style 'wintry mix' weather system.  the other two components are the highly related snow and freezing rain (which is extremely close to the first definition).

Sleet is adept at ruining road conditions, given how it is small and can easily meld together and become a solid sheet of ice on the ground.  It is more effective than it's drier cousin snow, and if you go by the second definition, is about on par with freezing rain.  It can easily be the bane of school/work commuters everywhere, especially should it show up with its two brethren.  Beware should you be caught in the middle of such a storm, should sleet find you!

February 20, 2013: Weast

Among the four cardinal directions lie east and west, laying upon the right and left sides of the compass, respectively.  Truth be told, neither is truly superior to the other, as they are but directions, and have no innate need for superiority.  However, the force of opinion can bend and change this fact on a personal level.

I personally choose the west.  I find it generally more pleasing to stare off westward than eastward, perhaps because my grandfather and I formed a tradition when I was but a small boy to venture to Malden, a town which lies westward of Risco, every Saturday and visit one of the eateries therein.  Amazing how one's personal history can affect their opinions and preferences, no?  That is the most likely root of my preference of west, or 'westference' if you will.

February 19, 2013: How Unfortunate

Someone clearly had some fun naming this town.

You can't go your whole life without learning of some poor sap, or something else that was stuck with a well and truly unfortunate name.  Be it that the name just sounds funny, or happens to truly be a disgrace, unfortunate namings are just that - unfortunate.

Their level of laugh- or anger-bringing depends on the name in question.  It can range from the chuckle-inducing Butte, to the hysterical Whizzer (worst color/name combo ever), to offensive names such as a black baby being named "Apeson" or something of that nature.  Whatever the effect, unfortunate names will forever be a plague to those that bear them.

February 15, 2013: Oh God, These Are Too Long

Fingernails are something else taken for granted.  They're the small, tough things that grow from out fingers, what is there that is notable about them?  Aside from the fact that they are prime for decorating, clawing at things with, and chewing at, people don't acknowledge the common fingernail much.

The nail serves a function similar to claws in other animals, except they are much softer and more fragile.  They also have similarities to horns.  However, their main function is not this, instead they serve more as a barrier for the nail matrix and nail bed, which contains numerous nerves and vessels for lymph and blood.  The lunula, the small lighter-colored portion at the nail's base is the visible portion of the nail matrix.  They are more permeable than most people believe - in fact, they are more permeable than normal skin, meaning that despite their physical toughness, many things can pass through them. 

February 14, 2013: Goes Well With Other Brass

There are four main brass instruments that one would usually find in the orchestra - trumpets (high notes), trombones (mid-low notes), tubas (very low notes), and french horns (mid notes).

Like any instrument, the horn has a distinctive sound set apart from other brass instruments, but this one has a tone even more set apart from it's four main brethren.  Its shape is also different from the trumpet and trombone, but still somewhat similar to one, the tuba, in that it has a circular shape.

As far as I know, it seems to fill out the middle note range, alongside the trombone, which still goes a bit lower.  It is my personal favorite of the brass family of instruments.

February 13, 2013: This Cocktail Tastes Like Chemicals

(This is the story of how Gene Simmons obtained one of the most uncouth superpowers of all time.  This story is entirely fictitious, and is in no way meant to be taken as reality.  No people portrayed here have actual superpowers, at least as far as I know.)

The year is 2015.  It was night in the Simmons residence.  Famed Kiss member Gene Simmons, also known for his show, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, was doing something very odd in the kitchen.  He was imbibing a full gallon of radioactive fingernail polish.

"Urgh, that's the stuff..."

Now, there is an explanation for this.  Last January, Gene had fallen into a massive vat of this strange substance.  In a very Marvel-esque fashion, he gained the ability to shoot poisonous fingernail polish from any orifice in his body, but the man drawback is that he must have at lease a quarter of a gallon of the stuff in his body at all times, or else when he next uses this ability the poisonous substance will backfire and enter his bloodstream.  And so every week, he polishes off a gallon of the liquid so that he can stay topped off.

The most spectacular event that befell the empowered Gene happened only last week.  A super-corporation with ties to the Illuminati had attempted to take over the world, and after using his rather polished powers to carve a path through enemy soldiers to no avail, Gene hatched an idea.  He brought together the old members of Kiss once more and held a massive concert outside the corporation's main stronghold and headquarters in the hopes of drawing out the leader.  The epic concert lasted for several days, but at last the man came out and Gene drowned him in poisonous fingernail polish.  And that's how Gene Simmons, the power of rock, and fingernail polish saved the world.

 

February 12, 2013: TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life

Yes, that's right. Hope you enjoyed having mostly non-critical views towards fiction in general.

TV Tropes is a well-known wiki-type site, and one of my favorites.  Unlike it's older sibling, commonly known as That Other Wiki on the site, TV Tropes is a more fun-loving, laid-back site with a relaxed atmosphere.  It has multiple forums and is extremely easy to register to.

Fun fact:  it calls linking to other pages on-site Potholing, a practice of which I shall indulge in for this entry.

It is a rather comprehensive compendium of different writing conventions, plot devices, and figures of speech.  Using this, you can come to understand nearly every single aspect of storytelling and fiction, right down to characters, from heroes to villains.  If you need to know it, TV Tropes probably has the info.

If you stay there long enough, you may find the opposite of life-shattering consequences and corrupted vocabulary may cast it's blessing on you - you could gain an enhanced vocabulary, knowledge enough to impress some teachers, can steer you away from negative writing conventions if you write stories, can make you funnier, and much, MUCH more.  You could well pleasantly benefit from a visit.

February 11, 2013: This May Be Handy

Does anyone need a hand?

Hands are the most versatile appendages, being able t grab & hold, rearrange, operate devices, point out oddities, write, type, and many other tasks.  Our hands and their unique structure is what sets humans apart from most other animals.  However, there is one catch to these Awesome Appendages© that can be complicating - how many people are more adept at one hand than the other.

I, specifically, am right-handed, and I find my right hand is far more useful than my left.  It allows me to write efficiently, pick up objects, all the usual tasks as listed above.  My left hand, however, can barely do any of these things at all...in fact, my left is suited manly for assisting my right in lifting things.  Should I try to write with my left hand, it would come out nearly illegible - something that rarely happens with my right hand.  (My left can type just as well as my right, strangely)  As such, I have a natural tendency and preference to use my right hand, and I generally like it more than the other.  This kind of sentiment is shared with most people, depending on their handedness.

February 5, 2013: D'OH!!!

 

 Do you see that up there?  That majestic, sweet pastry practically leaking with divine essence?  That, my friends, is the holy grail of all pastries:  the donut.

Donuts are without a shadow of a doubt the best baked good to ever hit the public eye.  The have an extraordinary range of variations (such as the greatest of them all, the jelly donut, pictured above), are easy to produce in mass quantities, and can be fitted many at a time in boxes for when an on-the-go snack is called for.  Donuts, in other words, are perfect for anything, and you'll be hard-pressed to find someone who dislikes them (and do I pity those poor souls).

February 4, 2013: Tennisandals

This should be a no-brainer: tennis shoes (or as many people seem to pronounce it, 'tenna' shoes), or any other shoe that covers your entire foot, are better than sandals.  However, it seems that people have not thought about this, and continue to choose sandals over safer shoe types. Let's see why they could reconsider.

Tennis shoes, given how they cover the entire foot, prevent your feet from being exposed to the elements as much as sandals do.  Example:  you are walking through an area known to contain many cockleburs.  You have no choice but to make this trek, as something important lies within the area, or perhaps beyond it.  It is also the middle of summer, and the sun is beating down upon you.  You are wearing sandals, as well, and as you walk, your feet are pricked and stuck by the sharp spines of the burs innumerable times, and are subjected to sunburn.  After you've reached your destination, your feet are so sore that you frantically begin to look for a place under some shade to sit.  Had you worn some tennis shoes, you wouldn't be in such a prickly situation, no?

February 1, 2013: Saltier Than a Sailor

Salt has been a part of human culinary practices since the beginning of time.  It has added it's characteristic flavor to our foods since ancient times, and with the advent of the humble salt shaker came a whole world of ease in applying salt to the food on your plate.  It's something someone will almost always see on their dining table, and would be sorely out of place in most other places.

Salt shakers also let one know when it's salt reserves are running low, which allows for quick and easy refilling.  They give ease to applying just the amount of salt one would desire on their foodstuffs, and thus allow for as much flavor as wanted.  They also make for great decorations when coupled with pepper shakers.