2014.02.28: Bieberworks

A man laying in bed, a maker of fine fireworks in particular, was struck by inspiration when he had least expected it. He rose from the sheets and set to work making his magnum opus, working on his masterpiece day after day and being sure no other eyes than his were privy to his toil. Soon the gunpowder creation was complete, the work in question being a massive rocket in the shape of singer Justin Bieber's head. He wasted no time in taking the Bieberwork, as he had come to call it, and setting it in a vast empty lot. He lit the fuse and mere moments later the massive firework made its heavenward ascent, soon exploding in the sky and releasing a grand multitude of vibrant colors that the entire city could see for miles. The sound was so loud that it reached every ear in the city, as well. The display showed a massive message of light: "DEPORT JUSTIN BIEBER!"

2014.02.27: The 90's

The 90's were as interesting a generation for music as others, for some more than others. Bands like Metallica and the Red Hot Chili Peppers became huge commercial hits in this period, and some 90's era musical groups still persist to this day. There was definitely a different flavor in place as opposed to something like the 70's.

2014.02.26: It Sounds Like a Letter

Sweet tea is just as one would guess, tea that is sweetened. It is one of my personal favorite drinks of all time, as long as Mountain Dew isn't anywhere nearby. It is most definitely not to be confused with Mr. T if he's covered in something like sugar. Anyone who does not enjoy a good cup of sweet tea is dead to me.

2014.02.25: nagrO epiP ehT

The nagro epip is a tnemurtsni lacisum that makes silence by sucking the air out of the room through large special pipes. It is operated via a tongueboard, an interface much like a keyboard, except it is operated with the tongue. The nagro epip is not to be confused with the pipe organ, which is its complete and total opposite. hcaB naitsabeS nnahoJ has erased much music in the anti-repetoire of this tnemurtsni. It is truly a sad thing.

2014.02.24: My #1 Fan

A ceiling fan is a fan that is installed in the ceiling. It is a device that functions like any other fan, to facilitate the movement of air throughout a space in a preferably cooling fashion for anyone occupying that space at the time. It can also be used in a manner suited to distributing scents throughout a room.

2014.02.21: TUNA IN FOR OUR LOCAL BROADCAST

A fish is an aquatic animal that uses gills to breathe underwater. All fish swim through the water, as they cannot walk. Bring one above water and almost every time the fish will die, as it cannot breathe above water. These are very obvious facts about fish. Fish taste nice when prepared well, and often go well with orbs of fried cornmeal batter. The blogger really likes to eat fish.

2014.02.20: Makes My Head Spin

A tornado is a special type of storm characterized by an extremely violent rotating column of wind, formed during particular types of larger storms. Larger tornadoes can cause massive property damage and loss of life, and are thus feared by many. Some people choose to chase tornadoes, sometimes seeking to enter a tornado and research their insides.

2014.02.18: YOU'RE NOT SENDING ME TO THE COOLER

ICE is the result of a liquid substance reaching or going below it's freezing point, at which point it solidifies, usually crystallizing as well, into a solid form. The most common sort of ICE that people think of is water ICE. ICE is very COLD, and is excellent to use on someone one may think is a bit too passionate and/or energetic, and needs to CHILL OUT. Some may even believe that the ICE AGE killed the dinosaurs, although this is very unlikely. If someone is acting strangely, or saying rather inconsiderate words, they may have their head caught in a formation of ICE. You can only be COOL and CHILL to others if you have ICE. Try not to be incarcerated for anything, or else you'll find yourself in THE COOLER.

2014.02.14: Who Is Ms. Paula?

I'll tell you who she is, you imbeciles. She's only the most incredible being in the entire school, able to wipe out entire armies with an aside breath. She lives deep in the sea in Poseidon's undersea palace, which she conquered in a grand siege that resulted in the death of a deathless being. She's so hardcore that even the most awesome metal bands bow in both respectful reverence and unbounded fear to her. THAT IS MS. PAULA, YOU UNENLIGHTENED IGNORAMUSES.

2014.02.11: BOURDS AXTANDAD (A fictional tale)

A man had a pet bird, which is admittedly a rather boring way to start off this tale. He also had a large array of extension cords to use for powering his myriad electronics. One fateful day the bird escaped it's cage and by pure chance found it's way to the main mass of extension cords, all of which were plugged in, and saw to it that the cords received a thorough pecking. The bird, of course, died due to the shocks it received...only for the electricity to reanimate it mere moments later. The newly risen zombie bird wasted no time in devouring the eyes and brains of its owner. It would then proceed to spread undeath among all the world's birds, and became the sole ruler of the Earth. On this depressing note, this tale ends.

2014.02.10: Jorick HarriHarrisonson

At day, he is but a pawn shop owner named John Richard Harrison with combed black hair and a goatee. But at night he rules the entire world with an iron fist, and is known as Khan Noonien Garrison. He is a despicable despot who purchases peoples' items at incredibly high prices and works in secret on his superhuman army, with he himself being the superhuman leader. And no one knows how to stop him.