January 30, 2012: It's The Most Presidential Time of the Year

It was President's Day, 2013.  President Obama was about to address the nation to share his thoughts about the day when the entire white house shook.  His papers flew off his desk as an odd, fierce wind blew throughout his entire office.  The culmination of the inexplicable events was a massive portal shining with blinding light opening at the center of the Oval Office...and a man stepped through.

George Washington, first president of the United States, stepped through in his full general uniform.  There was a secret hidden by the government, so deep-rooted that not even presidents were told. They would have to learn by experiencing it for themselves, that George Washington steps through time to meet each president.  Obama was understandably flabbergasted, shown through his wide-eyed expression of shock.  The former first president walked with stride to his far-removed successor's desk.

"I trust all has gone well in the country I have once led?  Oh, don't be surprised.  I visit all presidents that come after my time.  Ask not how I do, that is confidential."

Was this really happening?  Obama could not believe this, but there could be only one explanation:  George Washington had come to visit.  There would be no other way to describe that portal full of light either, no?

"Sir...this is quite an honor.  But why are you here?  Aren't you dead?"

"Hahaha!  They've all said that!  I've come here because I've watched you, ever since the start of your first term.  And, to say the least...I've been disappointed.  Not just by you, but by your predecessor.  This economy is abysmal, and you cannot even put your congress in their places.  I cannot condone this.  I've come here to hopefully convince you to work harder."

"But, sir!  I've worked as hard as I possibly can, and the current congress doesn't even know the meaning of working together! How am I supposed to get them in line when they won't listen to anything but the sound of money being put into their wallets and bank accounts?! That is the only thing they care about!"

Washington sighs.  This may be harder than he thought.

"I never said this would be easy.  Think not that you could snap your fingers and end this now, this will take time.  But you must do something, or this country will whither and die.  Remember, I fought for this country, I will not have it meet it's end like this.  Please, work harder than you ever have before, and you will see results.  The office of president is not an easy office to handle, and it is not meant to be.  But, anyone can do it with a little faith and abundant amounts of work."

He smiled, then stepped back through the portal.  Maybe now the newer president would be a bit more inspired.  Obama was still sitting practically agape from all this, but still...George Washington just visited.  He felt obligated to follow his ancient predecessor's words...

January 29, 2013: Eight-Legged Freaks of Nature

If you were to ask me what the most frightening representative of nightmares was, I would respond with SPIDERS.  They're walking masses of hysteria and madness-inducing fear, with eight legs every probing into the outside world to find new prey. EEEEEEUURRRGH.

Spiders are the most well-known type of arachnid, and there are many types of spiders alone, some scarier than others.  Most of them are equipped with their trademark weapon, neurotoxins, which paralyze prey and allow the spider to liquefy the insides of it's catch.  Most spiders spin webs in their hunting activities, which also conveniently double as homes, but not all spiders do this.  Some relative rarities, such as trapdoor spiders, resort to other methods.  Even with web-builders, their webs can vary, such as those of banana spiders which have a zig-zag pattern.  If I weren't so scared of them, I could pay some time to admire...

January 28, 2013: Why Is This Apple Orange

The old proverbial comparison goes "like comparing apples to oranges."  This little phrase is used to show how it is impractical to compare two things that are wildly different.  However, today, not only is a wild comparison going to be done...apples and oranges are going to literally be compared.

Apples and oranges are both types of fruits that are mostly spherical, and that are known for their nutritional value and juice.  They both grow on trees and are rather easy to pick, and after washing can be eaten right away.  Apples and oranges both have parts that are commonly not eaten (the apple has the core, the orange has the rind).  As before stated, both fruits are well known for their juices.  Orange juice has a distinctive tangy sensation to it, even somewhat bittersweet, all due to it's nature as a citrus fruit.  Apple juice is usually sweeter and more mild than orange juice.  Apples can be mashed into applesauce, however oranges cannot due to their different texture and makeup.  Finally, oranges have a distinctive mutation known as blood oranges, which is mostly self-explanatory:  when developed under certain conditions, oranges make acquire a pigment that colors their flesh blood-red.  As far as I know, apples have no mutation like this.

January 25, 2013: Tying Catastrophes

 

Trust me when I say that the top and bottom ones will be of much more help to you than the infuriating center type.

These are aglets, small pieces of hard material that are used to help bind the ends of shoelaces and keep them from becoming undone.  Metal aglets are trustworthy, but likely because of this, most of them are plastic.  Plastic aglets have a major, unfortunate design flaw in that they all invariably come apart. When they do, say goodbye to your shoelace.

Most give these tiny devices very little notice, and why should they? They are but small, hollow cylinders that admittedly do nothing noteworty, other than keep shoelaces from unraveling into their component threads, that is.  Yet another object most humans take for granted, much like bricks and chairs. 

January 22, 2013: This Post Sucks, Literally

There exists something in this universe.  A veritable, all-consuming abomination.  It is the black gate into the dark abyss of death itself...the black hole.

Black holes are the remnants of dead starts that have thrown all but their unstable cores off of themselves in catastrophic abandon.  When the fires of chaos caused by the supernova blast recede, the core is left, and it twists itself into something that is...wrong.  Under the influence of unstoppable gravity, the core collapses into a dark counterpart of itself, the black hole - a cosmic reaper of sorts, in that not even light can escape it's inexorable pull.  Everything is devoured by these inanimate beasts, and crushed into nothingness within.  Planets, stars, anything that exists...all but food for the undead star.

For all the horror that surrounds these abominations of the very laws of physics, it's hard to not admire them.  They are perhaps the strongest known cosmic forces, bending even light to its (non-existent) will.  This should also make it obvious I admire powerful things. *writer is shot in the eyeballs*

January 21, 2013: At Least There Aren't Snakes

(Just like the last story entry, any similarity to any persons living or dead, or to any real life situations, is entirely coincidence.  This entire story is fictitious.)

An old Japanese man by the name of Daisuke was en route to the United States - he was the CEO of a major global software firm, and a meeting with rival corporation Microsoft to discuss a possible merge.  The meeting was planned for July 15, 2658, but Daisuke was planning ahead and had left several days early. He should arrive in the U.S. in three more hours.

There was one problem, however, in that the old CEO's private jet airliner's air conditioning was broken.  His repair crew had promised to have it repaired by the time Daisuke was supposed to leave, but the job had gone so slow that it was too late for them to finish before their boss had to leave.  And so off he went into the sky, in ninety degree summer weather.  Now, he was too busy shifting about in his seat in significant discomfort and sipping from his twentieth bottle of cold water to be able to relax.

"This heat is unbearable! How much longer until we touch down?!"

The pilot leaned from his seat to face the irate CEO and told him it would still be two and a half hours until they reached their destination.  And he and his co-pilot had to agree with Daisuke about the heat, it was making piloting the plane extremely difficult.  Fortunately, the repair crew had tagged along and were still busy doing their repairs.  Even though they were working as fast as they possibly could under all the heat and pressure, the weather almost claimed their lives when the pilot passed out from heat exhaustion.  The co-pilot, thankfully, was able to take over, and soon enough the air conditioning was fully repaired and operational.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Daisuke moved under a vent and cooled himself off, a long overdue blast of cool air hitting him right on his face.  The plane landed in the United States a couple of hours later without further incident.

January 18, 2013: Blow It Out Your Nose

aaaah...aaaaAAAAaahhh.....AAAAAAAA......AAA-CHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Oh no, it's everywhere! I know what I need for this!

Tissues have been a staple of illness management for many a year now, likely for their usefulness in controlling an unruly nose.  When it seems like your nose has stopped running and is sprinting instead, it's time to reach for the tissues.  I have personally had many dealings with these marvelous sheets of paper, as when my nose starts it's leak, it's much like the old saying with rain: "when it rains, it pours."

Facial tissues are actually the disposable alternatives to handkerchiefs, which generally serve the same purpose but can be much more dangerous as they hold the bacteria and viruses of the illness they are used for in, and must be washed, not thrown away.  In this way, tissues are much safer and more convenient.  Kleenex has basically become the top dog when it comes to tissues, their brand name having become generic for use to refer to any tissues of any brand.

January 15, 2013: Organic

If there was one instrument of the musical arts that I truly admired above all others, it would be the grandiose, majestic pipe organ.  From these mighty colossi you can hear a rumble greater than that of any bass, and a timbre that can only be approximated by a full orchestra.  Curiously enough, this was meant to go the other way around, as pipe organs were made to be able to imitate a full orchestra.  They soon gained their own distinct sound, however, and if you seek a sound like that of what was originally meant for these instruments, try a theater organ.

When one thinks of the pipe organ, they may think of the music of Bach, and understandably so as his music contributed in great part to the organ repertoire.  In fact, he even referred to it by it's most fitting name:  "The King of Instruments."

January 17, 2013: BADUM TSSHHHH

I clearly must be out of my mind.  Why would I write about this? Well, because I love funny things, this one subject came to mind.

The rimshot.

Rimshot is actually not the correct name for the famous three hits.  In fact, the true name is the comedy sting, and a rimshot is what happens when one strikes both the rim and the head of a drum at the same time.  Even still, people have come to use this name instead.  One of those unanswerable questions, I'm sure.

Rimshots are great for when one wants to add a little extra punctuation to a bad joke or pun, to ensure maximum groan factor.  I often enjoy imitating one to emphasize my punishingly bad jokes, as well.

January 14, 2013: Bingoogle

Who doesn't know search engines?  We use them practically every single day, and they almost always lead us to the results we seek.  But, does every search engine do their job with the same level of quality and efficiency, or do they differ? To answer this question, I have decided to compare two big ones:  Bing, the more recent reincarnation of Microsoft's Live Search, and Google, perhaps the most well known of all search engines and a veritable titan of it's field.  LET THE BATTLE COMMENCE!!!

Bing, being the reborn form of Live Search, is a Microsoft-backed search service that provides for all the usual amenities.  It offers a usually reliable search performance, and the images aren't too bad either.  Searching within other sites with it, such as using the little search bar that appears under YouTube's top search result, will take you to that site's own search page, which is nice.

Google, the most well-known of all search engines, has a bit more going for it.  You can customize your search results based on relevancy, how long ago the search result was discovered by Google's bots, and by size if you're searching through the images.  There's also a few fun little easter eggs to be found (type in 'askew' for example, and the results page will be tilted).

My personal vote in all this goes to Google, honestly.  Sorry Bing, I just don't like you as much!

January 11, 2013: Time's Natural Keeper

Hold your tongues just one moment, as I've a question for the lot of you.  What mostly comprises dry, arid deserts, and warm, humid beaches?  What do you usually find in an hourglass?

  
The fate of all rocks that succumb to erosion is to slowly, but surely, be turned into the granulated substance known as sand.  There's more grains of it in a single desert than there are people on the entire planet, and it can all provide for very grainy fun.  Handle it correctly, and any number of things may be created from it, including castles and perhaps even large sand statues!  It's also perfect for living beings who prefer dryer habitats, too.

January 10, 2013: A Certain Breakfast Food

Welcome to the most randon post you will likely ever see on this entire blog.  Remember that 'likely', though.  What is this about, you may ask?

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSST

Or just the quaint 'toast', for short.  Buttered, smothered with jelly, sugared, and even frenched, toast is a staple of our mornings.  It is surpassingly easy to prepare (unlike buscuits) and nearly anything can be applied to them.

Have you ever needed a partner for your cereal/grapefruit and/or bacon/eggs combinations?  Then look no further than your pack of bread, and your toaster.  Don't forget the butter!

January 8, 2013: Dig Yourself a Mineshaft

Yes, you heard right.  I am a Minecraft fan, so if you don't like this game, get out while there's still time.

ROIGHT THEN, on we go with this blog entry!  What is there NOT to like about this game?  You can build practically anything you want (if you're in Creative mode...it'll be harder to do in other modes), you can blow things up, you can charge straight into Hell (or as it's called here, The Nether), and dig however much you like...until you hit bedrock, that is.  Even then, you can bypass it in Creative mode...wait, what is that under the bedrock?

Say hello to The Void, ladies and gents.  Should you be able to dig past the bedrock, you've basically dug through the entire game world and made an entrance to the infinite plane of nothingness and darkness that preceded all creation.  Jumping in will cause you to die quickly, so it's never a good idea to fall in.  You can FLY in on Creative mode, though.

Also, have I mentioned the building aspects enough yet?  You can basically build whatever you want, from a tiny hut to a massive castle.  If you find yourself able, you could even create a vast, world-spanning structure of excellence!
 

January 9, 2012: Three Certainties

(Note: Any similarities to any real people living or dead is entirely coincidental. This is merely a piece of fiction, as far as I'm concerned, so hopefully there isn't someone here who reads this who happens to share the same name and situation as the protagonist here!)

If there's any three certainties in life, it's life, death, and taxes.  Certainly, this is something the nineteen-year-old Scott, an African-American college student, knew very well.

All his life, he and his family have been pursued by the IRS, as they were quite poor and rarely could afford to pay most of their taxes, just enough to keep a roof over their heads and keep their boy Scott in school.  They've done a respectable job thus far, as their son has managed to graduate and is now seeking a part-time job to help support the family and get some bills paid.  That's when they drop the bombshell - they've scrounged up enough to pay what Scott's scholarships do not cover so that he may attend college.  The night of the discussion is an emotional one, as the young man is ready to burst into tears of joy.  He's always wanted to go to college, but never thought he'd be able to go due to rampant financial issues.

The month after he graduated from high school, Scott arrived on college campus.  He's kept his old part-time job so that he can help his family pay tuition throughout his run of the college gamut.  His interactions with other students tend to be mixed, as about a third of the people he's talked to have become his friends, another third still remain on the fence about him, and the last third have become vicious bullies to him.  His job doesn't exactly have a friendly atmosphere about it, either, as his manager is quite ruthless.  Scott has come very close to being fired for trivial matters on multiple occasions, but at least it pays well for something part-time.

Scott remains at college for four years until his graduation, from which he walks away with a Bachelor's degree.  He manages to obtain a full-time job which has great pay and aligns well with his interests, and he quits his old job.  One year later, many of his family's bills are paid.

January 7, 2013: Like Trying to Fit a Sphere In a Square

Circles, squares, what base shapes they are...not to mention their three-dimensional counterparts, too.  They both find themselves being vital parts of many designs, so should it really matter much at all which one a single man prefers?  Well, considering the stipulations for this entry's creation, such specifics are not only required, but are at the forefront of focus here.

If asked, I would side with circles and spheres, with my declaration that they are preferred over squares and cubes a loud and clear one.  There's just something about a rounded, smooth shape that has no abrupt edges that satisfies me.  Call me a hypocrite if I make designs in the future with jagged edges and many sharp points, but eh...it's still personal preference, and it's difficult for one to change another's personal preferences.

January 4, 2013: Sitting Room Only

Ah yes, chairs.

 

Perhaps one of the most important tools mankind has ever invented.  I could never imagine life without the chance to sit my rear in a seat and be lazy all day!

*COUGH*

...so yes, chairs.  They make school life a bit easier, obviously, considering how he need to at least be a bit relaxed during our day-to-day activities.  Could you, readers, imagine going to classes, or perhaps the office (if you're employed), and standing up all day long without the comforting reprieve a chair can provide?  I didn't think so.

We commonly take chairs for granted, and understandably so seeing as their main purpose is for sitting upon, one of the most mundane tasks a human is capable of.  Perhaps, however, we should be a bit more considerate of the importance of our four-legged friends.  They're quite a bit more comfortable than hard rocks, at the very least.

This is Something

I was asked to type something, so I did.

Big deal, wanna fight about it?