March 13, 2013: I Need To Fix This

One day there was a wrench.  It was alive and had hair, and it loved to blow dry it's hair with a burning passion.  Every day it would wet it's hair down and use the hairdryer on itself, relishing every second of the heated air of the device on it's hair.

One day, unfortunately, the hairdryer stopped working properly.  Thus, the living wrench flexed it's wrenchiness and served it's purpose, to fix things.  After a good dive into the broken and defected hairdryer, the repair was a success and the wrench could go on with it's hobby of hairdrying.

March 12, 2013: uwwwEEEEEEEEEEE

Pigs are, unlike what Animal Farm would have you believe, not all evil.  Pigs are even-toed ungulates of the Suidae family, and are commonly known for their pork.  They are extremely close to humans and, as demonstrated by Mythbusters, make for excellent analogues.  SQUEEEEEEEEEEEeeeEEEEeeaaAAAALLLll.

Pigs are rather friendly animals, and are among the more intelligent among them.  They are just as good as pets as when they are on the table.  It's possible to train them much like dogs, which is not too surprising considering how long they have been domesticated.  UWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

March 11, 2013: Bowtiesh Are Jusht Better

Look at that guy above.  He'sh not jusht wearing a tie, he'sh wearing a bowtie.  Why, you may ashk?  Becaushe bowtiesh are better, and Jamesh Bond (eshpecially hish Shean Connery incarnation) knowsh how to look good in a shuit and shave the day in time for hish vodka martini - shaken, not shtirred.

There'sh a bit more challenge in tying a bowtie, ash well, which can lend to a very rewarding feeling once the deed ish done shuccshesshfully.  There'sh alsho the increashed variety over regular tiesh, allowing for more shtylistic choices in one's apparel.  Once again, bowtiesh are jusht better.

March 7, 2013: Cylindricality

(found on Google Images)

Cylinders are a type of three-dimensional shape that is more or less a bar.  There's also graduated cylinders, which are cylindrical glass containers that have measuring marks on them.  These are commonly used in labs and such.  They are among a scientist's best friends (watch out for the ones that didn't graduate).

They are designed to allow someone to precisely measure liquids for experiments.  They are much like a cook's liquid measuring cup in this regard.  Without these, experiments would more often than not end up going awry in many frightening ways, something to be avoided.  And this was possibly the most useless blog entry ever (really, everyone knows this stuff).

March 6, 2013: Toilet Demons

A man had recently felt the call of nature, and was obligated to make a visit to his illustrious porcelain throne.  As he sat, however, a loud rusting sound was heard from within the bowl.  He stood once more and inspected the interior of his kingly seat, and lo and behold a pigeon had constructed a cozy nest within!  He made his way to his telephone so that he could contact pest control, but as he exited his restroom, the flying fiend lept from its home and flew after the house owner.

The battle had finally begun!  The man grabbed a nearby baseball bat and swung time and time again at the small feathered beast, but every time it evaded.  He then grabbed some nearby darts that he uses on his dartboard and tried to throw them at the bird, but again, the pigeon deftly dodged the projectiles.  Finally, it dove for the man and tried to peck out his eyes, but mere moments before it could hit it's mark, the man swung his bat for the last time, and his swing struck true on the tiny animal.  It was unable to withstand the sheer force of the bat, and was laid out on the floor lifeless.  Victorious, he used a paper towel to pick up the bird's corpse and flung it out of a window.

March 4, 2013: Yes Man

Yes is the greatest word to ever grace the English language.  It allows for things that people want to do to be done, unlike it's evil counterpart 'no'.  Yes is good, no is bad!  Well, under most conditions, that holds true at least.

I've heard so much no in my life that I'm almost ready to believe that people favor it over yes.  Every time I ask someone something, the odds are good that they will say no.  Sometimes I do want no to be said, but most of the time my beloved yes will be ignored.  Yes, it is very infuriating at times.

March 1, 2013: Keeps Stuff Up

You've heard it said on every single science fiction show in history, ESPECIALLY if you watch Star Trek.  But structural integrity is not limited to the stars, it's an actual rating for real-world devices and components.  Without it, machines would not be able to handle their daily work, and even simple objects would break at the slightest touch.  It's obviously something important to everything.

The structural integrity rating is designed to show how much of a load a machine or object can withstand throughout its intended service life.  If adhered to, your device will serve you well.  Exceed the rated load, however, and you're at obvious risk to break whatever it is you are using.  Even we humans have an unwritten structural integrity rating!